Editor’s Note: Here’s a post I started that wasn’t necessarily gonna be a post – just a “let it all out session” – but then I thought it might be useful for you in some way if I shared. It starts out a little rough – profanity and all – but hear me out because it is going somewhere. I always find a way to put a positive spin on everything. PISSED OFF at first but introspective and “what did I learn from this” in the end. Can’t help myself. Hell, 90% of the songs I write end up the same way. Here goes…

Fuck it!

Every once and awhile a guy needs needs to vent OUT LOUD.

Over the years, there have been many times that I’ve erase the raw thoughts that spew from the negative, “poor me” portion of my brain, but today, I decided to press publish.

Why? Not sure yet but I started typing and this is whats coming out of my.

This could really kill the vibe hers…

…and I’m sure I will get flack for being Mr. Negative Whiny Bitch but sometimes you gotta let’er fly  right?

But I figured show you that it isn’t all hookers and blow over here in Musicgoat. I won’t name any names but lot of other music marketing blogs paint this whole process like if you just follow A and B you will be living the dream.

ANYWAY…

Some days I feel as though it is a curse to be a musician.

I think to myself why couldn’t I have been interested in something a little more lucrative, something that “most” people actually want to pay money for.

I really fucking hate the fact that I use money as a barometer for how well my music career is going (listen to lyric in exhibit 1) but I wouldn’t be honest if it wasn’t in the back of my mine. Afterall, the bank doesn’t accept a couple good songs for house payment and the studio needs to be paid for their time.

Every now and then I slip into a slight depression when it comes to making and marketing music.

As indie musicians, we work so damn hard for so little and it can start to take a toll.

Right now, I am tired. Tired of trying to crack the code. Tired of spending endless hours to make what amounts to pocket change in comparison.

I think, “why couldn’t I just be happy selling insurance or something,” hell, everyone needs and will pay for that right?

You spend a lot of time and a lot of money on a song or an album and then what?

Well if you are like me, and after you vent to the readers of your blog (i.e. you), you pick up the guitar and you do it again from the beginning. You do it again because other than the fact that it is in your DNA, you also know that somewhere along the lines in those endless hours of marketing, you found a handful of people who care and can’t get enough of what you do.

Those are the people that can’t believe that you are talking to them via email or on the phone. Those people who deconstruct every lyric. Those people who tell you stories of how your music helped them through a divorce, a death and get over some self doubt.

It is what legendary songwriter Paul Williams calls “Heart Payment.” (He said it in an interview on The Nerdist – BTW…A MUST LISTEN).

Heart payment!

Yep, I can’t use it to pay the energy bill or to get my wife and girls presents for their birthday’s in a few weeks but I can use it as a guide to let me know I am moving in the right direction and as fuel to keep on putting myself out there.

In the end the important thing is for me is to concentrate writing, playing and listening because in the end, that love, that piece of mind THAT connection to my soul and the soul of others, is what it is all about.

I heard this quote this morning from Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age) in an interview on the WTF Podcast which I think sums it up:

“If you expect anything from music, you’re expecting too much.”

I think he nailed it. And I think with that attitude, I might not feel the way I felt above.

It doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop working to spread the word and do everything I can to get my music in the hands of everyone I think will dig my suff. It just means its time to enjoy the process more. Keep one eye fixed on why I started doing this in the first place.

So, that is why I put up with this shit. Now what about you?

Feel free to vent in the comments below. What frustrates you as a musician? Have you thought about quitting? What keeps you going? Or whatever. LET IT OUT!

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